Flowers everywhere..

It's been raining today. Weird thing about being a Northwest kinda gal. I get so sick of the rain come February and can't wait for a bit of sunshine. Then, when we have many days with nice weather, I start to miss the rain. I'm weird. Or moody. Or both. Just like the weather.
 I've been going through some tough stuff and to go into my garden and see the beauty there heals my soul. Talking about healing my soul for a minute. I started reading this book.

I follow a gal on Instagram that was starting a study group in her home with this book. Since I live on the other side of the country form her but the book sounded really intriguing, so I ordered it right then. I've been in such a bad state with my faith that this book seemed to pinpoint the feelings I'm having. I've just started it and so far it's grabbed me. Maybe God has grabbed me but I know I've been a bit lost. I feel lost. Maybe this will help point me in a good direction.
I hope so.

My garden is really blooming!
I have never loved petunias until last year when I took a chance and filled some pots. They were so beautiful all summer I had to do the same this year.

 This little pretty below was tucked inside the rose bush.

This little one was one it's last days but I loved how the light was on it as it's tucked in the shadows.  

I can't remember what this one below is called but it tripled in size this year. It's huge! But the flowers are cute little half dollar size petals of orangy goodness. I'll be moving it though. It's a bit of a monster. It's a pretty monster though. 

Like I said in the beginning of this post I've been going through some tough stuff. One of the things is my Mom ending up back in the hospital with an intestinal infection. Bad stuff. It's soooo hard to see my mom this way and I struggle with prayer as it seems my prayers are hitting the wall and bouncing back on the floor all around my feet. I know this is just a time in life and things will get better but I get tired of my heart hurting all the time.

Anyhoo, I made some really yummy blueberry muffins that I'm going to go sink my teeth in. 

Going home..

My Mama is breaking out of this joint on Saturday and going home!

This is a nursing home/rehab facility she's been in for about a month after getting pretty sick.  Not sure if it will be a good thing or a bad thing, her going home, but I'm hoping for the best. My Mom has Congestive Heart Failure and dementia that is associated with the CHF.
Dementia sucks.
So does CHF.
 Some days are really good days though. She can remember lots of things. It's just the short term. Like real short short term ...like....what she said two minutes ago short. That can be frustrating when you have to repeat things over and over to her like it's the first time you've said it. I have patience with her but the rest of my family gets pretty frustrated with her. Many years ago, I was a nursing assistant for around 6 years so  I have a bit of experience with this type of thing so I understand what's happening with her. I try to help out as much as I can. Since she's been at this facility, I've tried to visit as much as I can. I like to bring her a vanilla frappuccino with a scoop of protein in it. She loves those. She's been getting stronger and she's able to walk quite a bit and do many things that she couldn't do a month ago. I'm hoping for the best.

The weather has been beautiful this last week with temps in the high 70 to the mid 80's. This isn't typical weather for this area but I'll take it. The clouds have moved in today though with rain coming tonight.

My garden has been just beautiful!

It's not even in full bloom yet. This will be a really good bloom year, I think. 

Life Changes

Hello. It's been a bit since I've been to my little space.

Around the first week of April my mom's health started to take a downturn and since then she's been in and out of hospital and a nursing home/rehab facility. 

It's been a pretty hard month to say the least. I've been trying to visit my mom every day as I can't imagine how it must feel to be in a place that's not your home for such a long time. We're hoping she'll recover enough to be able to go home again. With help. My Dad is looking into having someone come into the house to care for her when my Dad needs it it. It's been pretty hard to try to do what's best for Mom. The rest of us kids feel she should be in a place where she has 24 hours assistance, but my Dad feels he could do that. When my Dad wants to do something there's nothing that will change his mind. Even if it's not for the best. But who knows? Maybe it'll all be OK. 

Boy, have I learned a lot this last month and a half. 

About myself. 

I've learned that I won't live forever. Life passes so quickly and letting it pass you by and not living it is a tragedy. Watching TV is a waste of precious time. Being lazy is a life killer. Not only does it waste away precious life but life will pass you by with or without you in it. I want to keep my mind sharp and my body in shape. Running 5 miles a day? NO. But walking and moving and keeping busy. Yes.

I want to do all the things that I only dream about or say I'll do someday. Why wait?

I've learned when I fall into negativity and gossip it pollutes my soul. My family has got these two attributes down to a science. Oh boy.

Oh! and the biggest thing of all! I've finally discovered my purpose in this world. I've never been one to try and find it or think I need to have one but now that I know, it makes life a bit clearer and the path a bit straighter.

I'm a Christian. That's an important part of my life. I know when I fall down the slippery slope of negativity and anger, judgement and being critical of everything and everyone I"m NOT living my purpose. That's when my heart gets sidetracked. I get unhappy and filled with depression. That's a place I hate being. I do know that when I'm doing this....
“Love your neighbor as yourself.”  (Galatians 5:14)  (That would be anyone around me)

I'm happy. I'm peaceful and my heart is at rest.

But when I do this..
^b 15If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. (Galatians 5:15)
I don't like myself very much.

I know when I live like this...
22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control.
My life feels good. I'm more at peace than I've ever been. I sleep better and have more compassion for others. My mind is at rest. I see beauty in life and in the things around me. I feel more generous and compassionate.

Sometimes, I find it hard to keep my mind and actions in those places. To be good to others when I want to whack them in the head. (OK...not literally whack them in the head but in my mind. Lots of times) I have a lot of habits that need changing. A lot of knee jerk reactions to circumstances that would better serve me by taking a mental time out and think about it a sec. I do know that the path I've been on, isn't working. Not by a long shot and things have got to change. I'm not wanting to live this way any longer.

Choices.

I do know, beyond any shadow of doubt, if I act in a kind, gentle and loving way to those around me. If I have patience and self control. If I believe the best in myself and others and have hope in the future and act with love in all circumstances. My heart is at peace. I have contentment. I think that's what Paul meant when he said he is content in all things whether he has much or little. Contentment is a HUGE thing for me. When your mind is in these places, the world seems just a little bit better and the future not so uncertain.

My purpose in life?
To know and have a deeper understanding of what love is and how I to live my life with love as the center and sole purpose for breathing.  It's all that matters anyway. In the end that's all that matters.

Isn't this a pretty little thing? Actually, it's about the size of my head!

See the Beauty around you...

Do you ever lose focus on the beauty around you?

I live in such a beautiful state with beauty all around me, yet I miss it at times. I think I've gotten used to it and don't pay attention anymore because everyday things in life get to be more important than stopping and smelling the roses. I don't want to live like that anymore since time flies so fast! The older you get the faster it goes and I know I've got to change some things in a more positive direction so I'll have no regrets.

 I've been trying to live in a mindful way and being more aware of what is around me, the beauty and all that comes with that.  I know when I focus on the good  and the beautiful my heart seems to calm down and I find my mind gets more peaceful.
 I can get pretty hung up on negativity. I also believe I put to high of expectations on people. When I take a walk, since I live in the suburbs, I get so disappointed by the way people treat the environment around them and I tend to focus on that instead of looking past it and seeing the beauty around me. I want to make that thought process more positive and productive and possibly carry a little plastic grocery bag with me to pick up garbage when I see it around. ;0)

I have company on my walks.


These guys- well, the blond is a girl - Chelsea and Tucker. They're pleased to meet you.

I'm making it my goal to take in the beauty around me. To smell of fresh air. The birds singing. ( Oh dear, I feel a belt of song welling up in me..."THE HIIIIILLLLS ARE ALLLLIIIVVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUUUUUSICCC! (ahhh ahhh ahhh ahhhhhh) ) Whew! I couldn't hold it in.  Too bad I'd fall on my rear if I tried to spin around )
 Anyhoo!  I love birds! I loved feeding them, but had to quit for a time because of some rodent problems. It seems the problem may have been resolved so, hopefully, feeding the birds will be something I can do again.

 Here's a little hummingbird I captured with my camera. So flipping cute.

When I see the beauty around me and little miracles like that little hummingbird above, it makes me take a deep breath and settle into my soul. It's almost like discovering who you really are, deep down. I think we're meant to live beautifully, see and hear beautifully, love beautifully. Lots to ponder on today.

That's from my bedroom window. Taking a deep breath.

Spring Walk

Spring has finally sprung!
I love to take walks outside in early spring, when it's not raining, to enjoy the first spring blossoms and get excited for warmer weather. We've had so much rain lately, I'm surprised some of my plants haven't waterlogged their way out the door. But, I have some buds and leaves sprouting which gets me excited for the trees to fill out and the flowers to bloom.
I wanted to share some pictures  from my walk today.

I find magnolia trees so unusual. They have blooms before the leaves show up. Such and interesting tree.

  There's a geocache around here somewhere, I have yet to find. I'll keep looking though. Geocaching  is a lot of fun. Always love a good treasure hunt.

 Until next time.

Homemade Granola

Are you ready for another homemade granola recipe?

 I've been going through my pantry, using up all the goods I have in there and found some coconut from Christmas that I bought for cookies and put to the side and forgot. I thought it would be fun to make some granola with it.  My husband always buys these boxes of granola to put on his yogurt every night (the granola, not the boxes) that are around 6 bucks a pop so I thought in the spirit of using up stuff, I would make him some granola and save a few dollars at the end of the week.

This year I've made a bit of a plan for myself to save some money.  I wonder how much money I flush down the drain every month in unused product. I tend to have a habit of buying food with good intentions and forgetting I have it and forget to make what I've planned for it. I'm also a poor planner, but that's another story. I'm just like my mother when I see something new at the grocery store, I like to try it. I used to attend a bible study that I would share my new bakes and cakes but I've since stopped going, I have no where to share my baking. Baking is a lot of fun for me but since it's just the three of us, my waistline is protesting and my freezer is overflowing. Annnnnd, I digress.

Anyway, back to granola.

I made this this morning and I'm pretty pleased with it. It got a little dark but it's still yummy tasting and pretty healthy too!

Set your oven to 375 F
You'll need two sheet pans since this makes a lot and spray them with non stick spray
In a large bowl combine
4 cups Old Fashioned Oats (not the instant)
2 cups sweetened coconut
2 cups chopped up almonds
1 cup chopped up walnuts
1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon
3/4 cup vegetable oil ( I used Smart Balance Veg. oil.)
1/2 cup honey

Mix this all together well and spread out on both sheets.
Bake for around 20 to 25 minutes stirring it around frequently. Watch it! It turns brown pretty quickly and can burn on the edges. I learned that the hard way.
Take it out to cool when it looks nice and toasty brown. When you stir it it'll feel soft but the granola will get crunchy as it sits and cools. After it cools, store it in an airtight container.
It's really good and not too sweet. Great to put on yogurt or even a salad for some extra crunch. I love crunch.

 Did I tell you that's one of my most favorite words? I love to say it.

CRUNCH!

New Year New Goals

It's 2014.
I'm still a bit shocked as time seems to fly by so quickly. Last year just flew! I remember when my son was just a baby and thinking that the day when he's a teenager is so far away and I wanted to remember those moments forever because I know it's gone in a blink of an eye. Now, here I am and that time has flown and he's 13. My baby is almost as tall as me. *sad face*
2013 was a hard year for me. In fact the last couple years have been hard. Lots of ups and downs. Poor family relationships, illnesses, uncertainty, parenting and spiritual struggles to name a few.  I've been reading my favorite blogs and I'm a little jealous that  most of them, the year 2013, was one of the best years of their lives. I know that 2014 will be a good year. That's one of my goals for this year and I'm planning on it. To work on positive experiences dominating my life, even when it's hard as I tend to get swallowed up by the negative at times. I found a guy on Instagram and his profile said...."Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it."  That really stuck with me. I'm wanting to start seeing the beauty that I've missed in the midst of my circumstances. Need to open up my eye balls.
Do you make New Years resolutions? I never do because they last all of 24 hours and then I feel like a schmuck for even trying to make them and then not keep them. I do like to make goals. Goals allow a little bit of wiggle room and lets just say the word...failure. A goal to me is like climbing a really steep mountain side. You can do it, it just takes a little time and conditioning of your body. You have to keep plugging away. I don't ever feel like a failure when I've made goals. I tend to be a goal oriented person anyway so it works for me. New Year Goals are better statements in my world and here are a few goals I've set for myself for this next year:

1) Blog more.
I originally began a blog to document crafts I've done and make some cyber friends. The blogging world was a perfect place for me. I could make friends but still stay my loner self. Sounded good but didn't work that way. The blogging world is a hard one to break into,at least I found it that way. I've met some really nice people and I've met some not so nice. Some who are out for the business and some for the love of the craft and people. You can usually tell who's in it to make a business and who really love the people who come to their blog and want to share what they know.  I wanted to fit in so badly I'm ashamed to say I've changed the name a thousand times (ok. not that many, but a lot) Started. Stopped. Started again. Stopped again. Got really intimidated. Stopped. Started. Got afraid I was going to offend people or make people mad and I would stop. I don't feel I'm a very good writer and I actually think I write like a 9 year old. Also, my interests would wax an wane. The blogging world is HUGELY intimidating and unless you have something someone wants or you're hugely controversial, nobody is interested in what you have to say.

  I started it to meet people since I tend to be a very private person. I don't share my personal life with many and trying to share on a public blog scared the bejeezus out of me. So I was really outright boring keeping myself to myself. Plus, I was always afraid of offending someone. . In this next year I'm wanting to be more transparent. Stop protecting myself so much and let people in. I'm terrified of rejection and loss so anything that puts me at risk for those two emotions I avoid. Like the plague. I'm wanting to get past that and be better. I think if you know better you do better. I want to be a better mother, wife, friend, human being. Adding more transparency is a good thing. Believe it or not, in this public arena, I feel it's safer than face to face. It's a good start. I hope it'll bring some healing but I think it will definitely be therapeutic. The big lesson here though is...I need to blog for myself. I do it for myself and to give an outlet to my creativity. It's not about anyone else. It's my space even though it's in a public domain. If I meet others along the way. Cool.

2) Read more.
Geez I love to read. LOVE it. But guilt always raises it's ugly head and I don't read as much as I would like to. Growing up, I always had to hide when I read. Mom, always felt I needed to get other things done than sit around reading. Which is ironic because she's was an avid reader. I always thought she felt guilty not being busy and if she saw me reading when that's what she wanted to be doing, she didn't like it. I need to kill that guilt beast. I'm nearly 47 years old! I can read if I want to, anytime I want to. Oh I remember  recess times at school. I spent the whole time in the school library, sniffing books and perusing the isles. I still love to do that. Yes, I shall read more.

3) Get outside more
I love to garden and go to the beach. I love to walk and hike on trails and be outside. Yeah, but don't take me camping. Eh. Don't like to camp. Give me bed and a potty indoors and you can take me anywhere. Which is another thing I'm wanting more of. Checking out this beautiful state. So many place to see and things to do. I've lived her nearly my whole life and I've yet to see most of it.

4) Make more memories and take more pictures.
 I feel as I get older I have less and less memories of things I did a month ago, a week ago...pft...a day ago, than I used to. I've fallen into a boring, predictable life, which I'm not complaining but predictable and boring doesn't leave you with a lot of lasting memories. Especially with my son and I've got to change that. I like boring and predictable cause...well...it's predictable and for a control freak like me, it works. But I'm pretty tired of it and now since I"m "middle aged" and can see the end of my life a lot clearer than before. It's time to start living. Agree? Yeah...

5) Craft and sew a lot more...
This brings me a lot of pleasure but circumstances and guilt have robbed me of this time as well. Guilt seems to be a bit of a problem for me. Yeah...that's going to change. Stupid Guilt monster.

6) Figure out my spiritual life
What the heck am I doing in this arena. I have no. idea. I've purchased a book called "Chasing God" that I'm pretty excited to read. It's about stopping. Stopping the chase. Let ya know how I like it.

Well, here are a few goals set for 2014 and beyond.
What goals have you set?  Do you set goals? Anything outlandish or scary? Let me know. ;0)