Monday, May 12, 2014

Life Changes

Hello. It's been a bit since I've been to my little space.
Around the first week of April my mom's health started to take a downturn and since then she's been in and out of hospital and a nursing home/rehab facility. 
It's been a pretty hard month to say the least. I've been trying to visit my mom every day as I can't imagine how it must feel to be in a place that's not your home for such a long time. We're hoping she'll recover enough to be able to go home again. With help. My Dad is looking into having someone come into the house to care for her when my Dad needs it it. It's been pretty hard to try to do what's best for Mom. The rest of us kids feel she should be in a place where she has 24 hours assistance, but my Dad feels he could do that. When my Dad wants to do something there's nothing that will change his mind. Even if it's not for the best. But who knows? Maybe it'll all be OK. 
Boy, have I learned a lot this last month and a half. 
About myself. 
I've learned that I won't live forever. Life passes so quickly and letting it pass you by and not living it is a tragedy. Watching TV is a waste of precious time. Being lazy is a life killer. Not only does it waste away precious life but life will pass you by with or without you in it. I want to keep my mind sharp and my body in shape. Running 5 miles a day? NO. But walking and moving and keeping busy. Yes.

I want to do all the things that I only dream about or say I'll do someday. Why wait?

I've learned when I fall into negativity and gossip it pollutes my soul. My family has got these two attributes down to a science. Oh boy.

Oh! and the biggest thing of all! I've finally discovered my purpose in this world. I've never been one to try and find it or think I need to have one but now that I know, it makes life a bit clearer and the path a bit straighter.

I'm a Christian. That's an important part of my life. I know when I fall down the slippery slope of negativity and anger, judgement and being critical of everything and everyone I"m NOT living my purpose. That's when my heart gets sidetracked. I get unhappy and filled with depression. That's a place I hate being. I do know that when I'm doing this....
“Love your neighbor as yourself.”  (Galatians 5:14)  (That would be anyone around me)

I'm happy. I'm peaceful and my heart is at rest.

But when I do this..
b 15If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. (Galatians 5:15)
I don't like myself very much.

I know when I live like this...
22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control.
My life feels good. I'm more at peace than I've ever been. I sleep better and have more compassion for others. My mind is at rest. I see beauty in life and in the things around me. I feel more generous and compassionate.

Sometimes, I find it hard to keep my mind and actions in those places. To be good to others when I want to whack them in the head. (OK...not literally whack them in the head but in my mind. Lots of times) I have a lot of habits that need changing. A lot of knee jerk reactions to circumstances that would better serve me by taking a mental time out and think about it a sec. I do know that the path I've been on, isn't working. Not by a long shot and things have got to change. I'm not wanting to live this way any longer.


I do know, beyond any shadow of doubt, if I act in a kind, gentle and loving way to those around me. If I have patience and self control. If I believe the best in myself and others and have hope in the future and act with love in all circumstances. My heart is at peace. I have contentment. I think that's what Paul meant when he said he is content in all things whether he has much or little. Contentment is a HUGE thing for me. When your mind is in these places, the world seems just a little bit better and the future not so uncertain.

My purpose in life?
To know and have a deeper understanding of what love is and how I to live my life with love as the center and sole purpose for breathing.  It's all that matters anyway. In the end that's all that matters.

Isn't this a pretty little thing? Actually, it's about the size of my head!

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