The Words I speak...

 I love those times when I have these great discussions with my son. You know, those times when your teenager actually wants to listen to what you have to say. Well, I should say, we both want to hear what each other has to say.

My boy getting his purple belt in Karate.

 I admit it. Raising a teenager is tough. They have minds of their own. The sassy back talk can get to me sometimes and I can say things I don't mean.

 I notice I can do that a lot, say things I don't mean when I get upset, frustrated or---the big one for me...overwhelmed. I don't understand why I do this but I want to.

The other afternoon I was analyzing my life, as I do, to try to figure out why the heck I act the way I do. I get in these high alert protective modes. From my analysis, as I do,  I came up with the fact that growing up I had always felt 'threatened'. Now, I was never physically harmed and I want to make that very clear, but I was critiqued all the time. My character, my very existence, seemed to always be questioned. Whenever I did something, it was usually the wrong thing, whether or it was or it  or was not. Due to the circumstances in my family, I always felt I was the one that screwed it all up. I messed up everyone's life. Had I not "accidently" come along, everyone would have been happy. Those strong feelings that dominated my childhood puts me on the defensive or high alert a lot of the time in my adulthood. I tend to be very suspicious.

Here's just a little pause to look at my pretty girl... I'm just a liiiitttllee ADD. (not kidding)

she's perty huh?

Soooo, when I get into arguments with my husband or son, (yes, I argue with a 13 year old and when I catch myself, I find it amazing as well) I tend to lash out and say things that are hurtful, thinking I'm protecting myself from the hurt, I believe, they are causing me. My character, my being, feels threatened. I would never say those things any other time, but the minute I feel my character taking a hit, my defenses come up. Then the words can spew out of my mouth.

Ugly words.
Hateful and damaging words.
Manipulative and game playing words.
Words you can't take back.

 *pause*

Here's another picture, since I want to you to think the best of me...

Yes, I am trying to manipulate your affections with food.

Annnnyyyway, in the mornings I get a daily bible verse and yesterday's verse was very telling and hit me very deep. I should also say that I prayed last Sunday for the Holy Spirit to reveal in me those things that are blocking His love towards me in my life. The lies that I have placed around me, to protect me, that I want to come down. Here is the verse that came to my phone yesterday...

Matthew 12:36-37
But here is what I tell you. On judgement day, people will have to account for every careless word they have spoken. By your words you will be found guilty or not guilty.

Which gets me back to the conversation with my son. You know the one I was talking about earlier where we were both of the mind to listen. Was it a God moment? Maybe. This verse came into play.

We were talking about bullies and when they say hurtful things about you to you or to others, it's all about them and their insecurities. It's about them trying to make themselves feel better by cutting someone else down. It's never about you and to never take those words to heart. Never let those words become part of you and who you think you are. I wanted him to always know who he is and who he was created to be. That person is a child of God, created in the image of God, who is creative, compassionate, wise, artistic, smart, caring, peace loving, gentle kind and a loving soul that will always be no matter what. If we take in those negative words, name calling, less than, demeaning and useless words, that can come from anybody, and allow them to become our truth-- we start living lies. Then, eventually,  those lies become a part of you and  you will end up hurting  people the same way you were hurt  by one of the most powerful weapons on earth.

 The power of words. 

James 3:1-12

New International Reader's Version (NIRV)

3 My brothers and sisters, most of you shouldn’t want to be teachers. You know that those of us who teach will be held more accountable.

2 All of us get tripped up in many ways. Suppose someone is never wrong in what he says. Then he is a perfect man. He is able to keep his whole body under control.
3 We put a bit in the mouth of a horse to make it obey us. We can control the whole animal with it. 4 And how about ships? They are very big. They are driven along by strong winds. But they are steered by a very small rudder. It makes them go where the captain wants to go.
5 In the same way, the tongue is a small part of the body. But it brags a lot. Think about how a small spark can set a big forest on fire.
6 The tongue also is a fire. The tongue is the most evil part of the body. It pollutes the whole person. It sets a person’s whole way of life on fire. And the tongue is set on fire by hell.
7 People have controlled all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea. They still control them. 8 But no one can control the tongue. It is an evil thing that never rests. It is full of deadly poison.
9 With our tongues we praise our Lord and Father. With our tongues we call down curses on people. We do it even though they have been created to be like God. 10 Praise and cursing come out of the same mouth. My brothers and sisters, it shouldn’t be that way.
11 Can fresh water and salt water flow out of the same spring? 12 My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives? Can a grapevine bear figs? Of course not. And a saltwater spring can’t produce fresh water either.

Pretty powerful!

Am I a bully to my son and to my husband?

 You know, I think we want people to believe the negative things that we believe about ourselves. It's the whole- you think you're a jerk so you're going to act like a jerk than call people jerks because they're treating you like--a jerk. 

Which brings me 'round to the words I say. 

What is it that I believe about myself, that's a lie, that rises up in me and then I spew words in defence. I become a bully. But even more important than that, what words will I be held accountable for in this life and in the one to come? Especially the ones that make me feel ashamed or embarrassed after speaking them. As much as you want to believe a "sorry" makes hurtful words sting less or just disappear from memory, is a lie. It doesn't go away like magic and most the time it never does.  "Sorry's" just makes me feel better about it. So, if my words have so much power to hurt or heal and I'll be held accountable for them later, I think I should start being  more acutely aware of what I say, at all times. Sometimes it's better to just walk away than say something that will never go away.

Here are some great verses for me to get down deep in my heart and not let go...

James 1:19-20 NIrV

 My dear brothers and sisters, pay attention to what I say. Everyone should be quick to listen. But they should be slow to speak. They should be slow to get angry.  A man’s anger doesn’t produce the kind of life God wants.

Proverbs 17:28 NIRV

We think even a foolish person is wise if he keeps silent.
We think he understands what is right if he controls his tongue.

Proverbs 29:20 NIrV

Have you seen a man who speaks without thinking?There is more hope for foolish people than for him.

Proverbs 15:1 NIRV

A gentle answer turns anger away.

But mean words stir up anger.

Ephesians 4:29 NIRV

 Don’t let any evil talk come out of your mouths. Say only what will help to build others up and meet their needs. Then what you say will help those who listen.

And here's my own verse-

Meredith 1:100008964538587

Just zip it.